- Losing a mother before achieving success leaves a unique, enduring grief that is hard to describe.
- Achievements feel incomplete without a mother’s presence to celebrate and share the pride of success.
- Life teaches that parental blessings are irreplaceable, siblings can be temporary, and gratitude must be shown while parents are alive.
On 28 December 2024, I was home in Mokopane, Mokamole, Skuilpadkraal, Bakenburg area, erecting a tombstone for my mother. I have always wished my mother were alive. She passed away at a time when things were not well for me. Family and community assumed I had money because I am a “lawyer”, but that was not the reality.
I realised that losing your mother before you make it is another endless experience of grief. I wanted my mum to see her ugly duckling, Mantsho, Nawa ya Phure, on television, wearing black and white, speaking superb upper-grade English with confidence from Cambridge.
I wanted my mum to have pride, to be the mother of Advocate Moafrika Wa Maila. My mother was a character, a very strong personality. I knew Maria would make every success feel so real. Real success is powerful when it is celebrated with your mother.
I wished my mother could sleep in the house I just built at our home, her house at Hammanskraal. I wished she were there to enjoy the pride of a mother. I guess mothers are human too. We must forgive them for dying. At times, mothers feel so strong and present as if they will never die.
The pain of missing her at life’s milestones
After reaching certain levels of success, I truly wished my mother were alive. All along, when I was hustling, planning, connecting, building, structuring, and working hard, I never missed her. But once I was able to bring it home, I really missed her. I started to feel that this table has everything that matters and everyone I care for and love, but it still misses my mother.
I just wish my mother were here. It is only in the past two years that life has started to go well. I wanted to drive her around in my CLA 45 AMG Mercedes-Benz. I wanted her to have photos with her grandkids. I wanted her to see me living a life that I was once too poor to afford.
Finding hope in stories of grief and comedy
I love comedy and jokes. I recently enjoyed a comedy show by Dillan Oliphant called Masekend, a tribute and eulogy to his mother. The laughter and tears meet in a place of hope and joy when you hear his analogies and experiences after losing his mother. I recommend it. Check it out on YouTube.
I realised that my mother was a character. After her death, my father never wanted another woman in his life. I tried to convince him, but he is just not interested. I worry because he must now be enjoying his old age without at least one irritating granny in the house. It is important for life to have a little bit of stress.
But that is one part of life we are never ready for. If your mother or father is alive, and you can afford to do anything for them, I advise you to do it. One day, the things you did for them will heal you when they are gone. A blessing from your parents cannot be replaced by anything on earth. I am glad I did my best for my surviving father, despite his being opinionated and stubborn. I tried my best.
Siblings, life, and acceptance
Last but not least, after my mother’s death, growing up made me see that siblings are temporary hirelings. That bond can be sensitive and weak, especially after marriage, children, and different life paths. It is easy to become detached and apart for good. But such is life, and we must live it as it is.
I think I have said a lot here. If you know, you know. I could not even make a joke here. It really pains me at times. No mother should die before all her children have made it on earth. I am the last-born of my family, but I ordained myself first-born. That is leadership for you.
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