A tale of two mothers: One fights for her child, the other walks away from parental duties

• A Pretoria mother fights to be involved in her special needs child’s medical care after being excluded by the father despite her role as primary caregiver. 
• A father is raising two children alone after the mother fled to Lesotho, ignoring efforts to establish a formal parenting plan. 
• Both cases underscore the need for written parenting plans and the central role of the Children’s Act in protecting the best interests of the child. 

In South Africa’s family law trenches, two real-life custody battles lay bare the fragile line between parental love and neglect and how the justice system often becomes the last hope for children caught in between. 

In a small Pretoria clinic, a mother waits patiently for her child’s neurologist. It’s not just another appointment; it’s a scene from an ongoing struggle she’s been quietly waging. Not against her child’s medical condition, but against a co-parent and system that continue to sideline her from the most crucial decisions in her child’s life. 

Her child has special needs, a diagnosis that demands consistent care, access to specialists, and close coordination with the medical aid provider. Yet, despite being the biological mother and a primary caregiver, she says she has been persistently excluded from medical decisions. Appointments have been made without her knowledge, and treatment choices pursued without her input. The result is a fractured care and deepening emotional and legal strain. 

In a bid to improve the situation, she relocated the child’s medical care to Pretoria, where specialist services are more accessible. But instead of cooperation, she faced resistance. “I’m not trying to take anything away from the father,” she says. “I just want what’s best for my child.” 

The father, who currently stays the child, claims he has always taken responsibility for medical matters. But financial records tell a different story. He’s been using the maternal grandmother’s medical aid, even when consulting with practitioners outside the scheme’s coverage. This has left the grandmother burdened with debt. Because the child is now registered under Prescribed Minimum Benefits, her signature is required at every consultation, a legal step that also ensures continuity of chronic care. 

Still, the mother remains excluded, not just financially, but emotionally and legally. Attempts at mediation have failed. The matter is now heading to the Children’s Court, where a social worker has already recommended that the child receive care closer to home with the mother. The social worker underscored that, given the child’s medical needs, it is in the child’s best interest to access nearby, consistent healthcare. 

“It’s heartbreaking,” the mother said. “This isn’t about winning. It’s about keeping my child well.” 

Meanwhile, another mother walks away 

A few kilometres away, a father tells a very different story. He has raised two children on his own, one of whom has special needs, with little to no support from their mother. The younger child, he says, didn’t even know who she was until recently. 

“She lived nearby,” he recalled, “but she never cared for the children. Not for visits. Not for birthdays. They even spend Mother’s Day with me.” 

Earlier this year, he attempted to initiate a parenting plan through legal channels. Despite multiple efforts, the mother refused to cooperate. In desperation, he left the children at her home to force some kind of engagement, but she fled the province, disappearing across the border into Lesotho. 

“She just left the children,” he said. “Now I’m starting from scratch with no clothes, no school uniforms, no books, no legal certainty. Everything is at her flat.” 

Although the mother has suggested she may relocate with the children, the father insists that such decisions must be formalised through a legal parenting agreement. “I don’t mind where they stay,” he said. “But I need a plan. I need to know I’ll still have access to my children.” 

He is now working with his legal team to have the mother summoned back to South Africa to face her parental responsibilities. 

Get it in writing: Lessons from the frontline 

Reflecting on her experience, the mother in the first case has a clear message for other parents, especially those co-parenting without a legal framework in place. 

“My advice to any parent going through something similar is this: always make sure you have a written parenting plan. It helps clarify responsibilities, avoid misunderstandings, and ensures that your child’s best interests remain the focus. If the other parent refuses to agree, then approach the Children’s Court. Let the law step in before things become chaotic.” 

The father in the second case echoed the sentiment: “Don’t wait to draft a parenting plan. Do it early before things spiral. Because once they do, it’s the children who suffer.” 

The law on parental rights in South Africa 

Under South Africa’s Children’s Act, the best interests of the child are paramount in all matters concerning care, protection, and well-being. 

The law provides specific protections for children with disabilities or chronic illnesses: 

• Children must be provided with appropriate parental, family, or special care. 
• They should be enabled to participate in social, cultural, religious, and educational life, with accommodations for their needs. 
• Care must promote dignity, self-reliance, and community participation. 
• Children and caregivers must have access to support services. 
• No child may be subjected to practices that are detrimental to their health, dignity, or well-being. 

At the heart of both stories is a shared truth: children need parents who show up, not just in love, but in law. When that fails, the justice system becomes the final safeguard for the child’s best interests. 

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