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- The tragedy in Refilwe has reignited difficult questions about accountability, consent and community responsibility.
- Respect for another person’s boundaries is a lesson that must be taught long before tragedy strikes.
- Raising responsible young people requires parents, communities and children to share responsibility.
For generations, this has been more than a familiar saying. It has reflected an understanding that raising kids and young people was never meant to be the responsibility of the parents alone. Families, neighbours, teachers, community leaders and society all had a role to play in teaching children right from wrong.
But somewhere along the way, that village seems to have become smaller. Increasingly, we find ourselves living in communities where correcting someone else’s child can be met with hostility, where some parents are reluctant to hear that their children have done something wrong, and where discipline has become a complicated conversation.
Are parents trying so hard to practise gentle parenting that they sometimes fear setting boundaries? Are they afraid that correcting their children will push them away? Or have we simply forgotten that teaching children accountability is also an act of love?
When fun crosses someone else’s boundaries
These questions have become difficult to ignore following what was supposed to be a “fun Spring Day celebration” in Refilwe, Cullinan, and across many communities in the country.
On 1 September 2026, what should have been a fun Spring Day celebration allegedly ended in tragedy when a 53-year-old man allegedly stabbed a 21-year-old after he was allegedly splashed with buckets of water by a group of young people. While the 53-year-old is awaiting trial, the young man’s family has laid him to rest.
There is no justification for taking another person’s life. But there is another uncomfortable conversation that we must have. What responsibility do we, as a community, have to teach young people that fun does not permit them to disregard another person’s boundaries?
Being splashed with water may seem harmless to the person doing the splashing. It may be part of a celebration, a joke or simply something friends are doing for entertainment. But not everyone has consented to participate. What one person considers harmless fun may be seen by another as disrespect, humiliation or an unwanted intrusion.
Although that does not make violence an acceptable response, it does, however, remind us that respect has to work both ways.
Accountability is also an act of love
Perhaps the bigger question is no longer simply, “Who is responsible?”, but “Who is taking responsibility?”
Parents have a responsibility to teach their children boundaries and accountability. Young people have a responsibility to understand that their actions affect other people.
Communities have a responsibility to intervene when they see inappropriate behaviour, not through violence or humiliation, but through correction and guidance. And perhaps adults have a responsibility to remember that correcting a child does not mean attacking them or undermining their parenting skills.
When nobody is willing to speak
There was a time when a neighbour could tell a child, “That is wrong,” and the child understood that the correction came from a community that cared. Today, many people hesitate to intervene because they fear being told, “Don’t tell me how to raise my child.”
But what happens when everyone sees the behaviour and nobody says anything? We shouldn’t demand accountability from young people only after a tragedy has occurred. We must teach accountability when the consequences are still small enough to become lessons.
Our children need to understand that deliberately inconveniencing, embarrassing or disrespecting another person cannot always be dismissed with, “We were just having fun.” Fun does not remove boundaries, celebration does not cancel respect, and being young does not mean being exempt from accountability.
Preparing children to live responsibly
We need parents who are willing to hear uncomfortable truths about their children. We need communities that are willing to correct young people without degrading them. We need young people who understand that their freedom ends where another person’s dignity and safety begin.
The tragedy in Refilwe should therefore not become another breaking news headline that disappears from our timelines after a few days. It should force us to look at ourselves and ask whether we are doing enough to raise young people who understand both their rights and responsibilities.
Because raising a child is not simply about protecting them from the world. It is also about preparing them to live responsibly in it. No one is saying young people should stop having fun. But “having fun” cannot become a licence to ignore boundaries and disrespect other people.
And correcting young people cannot become an excuse for violence. Perhaps it is time to return to the principle we seem to be losing: “It takes a village to raise a child.” But a village cannot raise a child if the village is afraid to speak.
And if we continue to refuse to take responsibility for the small things, we may find ourselves having difficult conversations only after they have become tragedies like this incident that happened in Refilwe.
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The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Conviction.co.za
